Healing

My eyes swollen.

My face a mess.

My heart aching.

Once again I find myself before this screen, and once again there is the reason for transparency.

And I’m angry.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. When this blog “came to life” the purpose was to share our story, to give hope, to stand as proof that there can be beauty from the brokenness. It all was supposed to be neatly wrapped up and tied with a bow…

At least that was my plan, my purpose here.

After a long, convicting conversation with a true friend {you know – the one who tells you what you need to hear and not just what is going to feel good going down?!}, I am entertaining the idea that I am not the One who started this blog, and just maybe my ideas for it are much smaller than His.

And perhaps the same applies to my life.

He did in fact work a miracle in us several years ago, but that doesn’t mean He is finished with us. One miracle to claim, one perfect story to tell, should not be enough for us. Although so much of me wants it to be enough.

I’ve had enough hurt to last a lifetime; must we suffer more?!

And in the very moment that I type those words, I am reminded of Todd and Angie Smith’s story, and the words of his beautifully written song “Bring the Rain” rush over me.

“Bring me joy, bring me peace.
Bring the chance to be free.
Bring me anything that brings your glory.
And I know there’ll be days
When this life brings me pain,
But if that’s what it takes to praise You,
Jesus, bring the rain.”

Oh, how I wish I could tell you that is my heart’s prayer at this moment.

I’m not prepared to pray for rain just yet, but I am praying that God take the reigns of our life {and this site}, once again. I am praying that He is not finished yet.

I am praying that He does more. I am praying that I allow Him to be more.

We need more miracles.

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