Plan B

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In my high school dreams, I planned to go to college and move on to a mission field.

Instead, I traded my college diploma for wedding bands. The mission field for motherhood.

After a teenage whirlwind romance, we eloped and planned to stay married forever.

Rather, the greatest of intentions ended in divorce shortly after our second anniversary.

I was happily moving forward with a new plan, and a new man.

But God saved and changed the man who first stole my heart, and our family miraculously became whole again.

We planned to complete our life with the military in 2004 and leave deployments and uncertainties behind.

Seven years later, we have come full circle and continue to live the life of an active duty military family.

We purchased a home, put down roots, and planned to grow old in our own little corner of Georgia.

Just this past week, I turned the key in that door knob for the last time, said my goodbyes, and realized that chapter of our life is now closed.

We have nearly two decades full of stories of Plan B, each filled with its own measure of heart ache and heart break.

I make plans. It’s who I am. A perfectionist, with a dash of OCD, and an insane need to control every minute detail in every single possible scenario of life.

And yet I can’t.

The irony of my need to control, to plan, is that I truly cannot do either one.

I have no control in our future, no say in what happens next, no real ability to change anything that comes our way.

And somehow I’m learning to be okay with that.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 NLT

I don’t have a plan, but I know Who does.

I don’t know the answers to the long list of questions inside my head, or the worries in my heart, but I know He does.

I am fallible. He is perfect. I can only claim today. He can see forever.

Living HIS plan… my “Plan B” … means living, trusting, clinging to the One Who plans best.

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Tagged as: Life lessons, Missions, Obsessive–compulsive disorder, Plan B