Today’s guest writer is Sharon O of Something to Think About. Sharon’s blog is currently private, but she has been gracious enough to open it up for a couple days for the readers here. I know you will be blessed by her incredible journey of healing and overcoming. I certainly have been touched by Sharon so much already!
When I was first found this blog site I was immediately drawn to the name ‘Brokenness into Beauty’ for it represents stories of healing and hope.
Today I am honored to be a guest as I tell my story.
I was not raised in a Christian home.
In fact our home was what modern day lingo would call dysfunctional, broken, and not healthy.
Our dad left when my sisters and I were very small. I was 5, the other two were 7 and 9. When he left us, our mother left us emotionally. Responsibilities and concerns dumped on us like a load waiting for the laundry. We tried to walk around them, ignore them, and when we couldn’t manage them they lingered close putting weight on our already heavy hearts.
We were three little girls left to care for each other.
Like the three little kittens who had no mittens, we were without a mother. We did the best we could with limited abilities as children. As a child you don’t understand why your world is broken or why adults make decisions that affect you forever.
Children can’t make sense of what is senseless.
We were the innocent.
Years went by and we managed through the emptiness of no parents with little support system other than each other. The house we lived in was clean and tidy but it was not a warm home. Years of decisions made by her left us in harm’s way and left us often feeling very alone.
I am not sharing this to “mommy bash” or to be mean I am sharing this because it is part of the story.
I found the Lord in my late teens and have walked deeply with Him and His Love since then.
The Lord showed me in my 30’s as I was facing many serious health issues, that it was not a “health issue of the body”; it was a health issue of the spirit. My wounded heart needed to be healed. He said to me, “We are going on a journey, and if you allow me to show you the things that hurt your heart, I will heal them and make you new.”
Many times in recovery the body will remember way before the mind will. At the time I didn’t really realize what was taking place within me. I knew that depression had followed me into marriage and motherhood. I knew that something deep was festering like a sliver that had to be removed.
But I wasn’t clear on “what”… the sliver was… Until the day I felt my children were in harm’s way.
The mother part of me rose up and confronted my own mother about a husband whom she currently lived with. His behavior was not going to be “towards my little ones” like it was toward me.
God in His soft gentle way said to me, “As a child you were not safe, you were hurt.” He drew me into the reel to reel scenes as the movie projector played images of memories stored not just about our mother’s husband but other sad moments as well. God took me to the deepest darkest places of my heart to restore me as He whispered, “I have always loved you. Rest here and listen. You were never alone.” – pulling me closer to the stories like a flashlight in a darkened room.
Illuminating the pain and the secrets held deep inside the heart of a child.
Through time I slowly began to realize I don’t have to understand my past or why pain had to happen or why children are abandoned and left on their own.
I heard a speaker one day say, “instead of writing off our past, or discounting it, we should authenticate the role it has played in our lives.”
My husband has said to me, “I wish I had a testimony like yours.” And I have said to him, “I would rather to have had a family like yours and no testimony to share.”
God is a God who heals broken hearts. He has healed mine. The speaker continued to say,“My life experiences have defined me, who I am and who I will become.”
Because of my story: I can walk alongside wounded people and understand their pain.
Because of my story: I can be a child advocate and say I understand your sad and broken heart.
Because of my story: I can be a better mother and better grandmother.
Because of my story: I understand the tears of abandonment, abuse and broken spirits.
I am not angry or embittered by what I had to go through.
I understand now that my past has a purpose. Without the pain and the years of emptiness the story would be different and I would be different.
God is bringing me to a place of vulnerability and transparency when telling this story for it has not been an easy journey to open up and share.
Jeremiah 29:11 tells me:
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
The final chapter of this story is the remarriage of our mom and dad. They were apart over thirty years and now they are growing old together. They are in their late 70’s early 80’s; he has old age issues and leukemia pressing on his health, and she has some dementia and had a slight stroke.
I see her now as a little “old lady” not as the mother who made bad choices for her children. I see him as a dad who has no idea how to be in “real” relationship.
Our relationship is not healed and maybe never will be, but in the process of waiting I am thankful that God has taken my brokenness and moved me into a place of beautiful healing.
I challenge you to allow Him to do that for you too.
Thank you so much, Sharon, for sharing your story with us! I believe that it is so important for each of us to realize that we can find personal healing in the Lord – regardless of what has happened to those who have hurt us, and regardless of whether or not those relationships have been mended. True healing is from the Lord – He can heal the broken-hearted!
Sharon is also a relatively new blogger. I helped her create this button for her blog, and I know she would be honored if you posted it on your site as well!