A New Man

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We married far too young – that’s a given.  We became parents in the flesh before either of us were ready for it in our hearts and minds.  Before my husband even had a chance to let the responsibility of a marriage sink in, he was hit with the news that he was also going to be a father.  I had dreamed of being a wife and a mother for most of my life, so the transition was easy, much more natural for me.  He, on the other hand, had never even given it a second thought – neither marriage or parenthood.

Unprepared.  Terrified. Overwhelmed.

Those fears, that lack of readiness, the void in his heart and soul – all led to the overwhelming desire to run.  Although physically he never actually ran away from us, emotionally was a very different story.  In the first six months of our son’s life, I watched my husband’s heart grow unbelievably cold and distant.  In his eyes, where there should have been a father’s love and fondness for his son, was a blackness that rivaled even the clearest definition of hatred and resentment.

When we separated, he missed all the milestones – crawling, walking, talking.  He missed those precious times of bonding with an infant and toddler.  He missed the memories, and we missed his presence.  Yet there was no evidence that he was missing anything.  Until one day…

Through a miracle of God that is most definitely worth it’s own post, my husband came to know Jesus as his personal Savior.  Desiring to believe it but petrified to trust it, I prayed for a sign from God. I tried my hardest to be cautious and keep him at arm’s length.  Until that moment…

When the man who once hated his own child, the man who once wanted nothing to do with his son, knelt before that precious three-year-old boy.  With tears in his eyes and a brokenness I had never seen, he begged with such sincerity – “I am so sorry. Please, oh, please let me be your Daddy.”

Daddy. A title he never wanted before.  Now the position that was so clearly the desire of his heart.

In those frequent times, when someone wants to know how I could remarry him – how I could trust him and love him again or how I could forgive -  the process was anything but simple, but my answer to the questions always is.

Because of the one day, that one moment, when my husband became a new man.

(Source)

“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” II Corinthians 5:17

Related posts:

1. My Husband, My Hero

Tagged as: Children, Faith, Family, Father and Son