Beauty

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“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” A quote I have heard for most of my life, yet somehow did not fully grasp until I had let it rule my life for far too long.

For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with self-worth, or the lack of.  To say it was a self-esteem issue would be putting it far too mildly.  Anyone who has known me for any length of time at all knows that “I am my own worst critic,” if for no other reason than the simple fact that I say it aloud all the time.  So when those same dark voices in my head speak up and tell me I’m too fat, or my clothes are not up to par, or I’m aging before my time, I have this amazing ability to put some serious stock in what they say.

I have listened to those voices for so long.  They were so loud for most of my teen years that it was all I could hear.  Instead of seeking out true beauty, I sought out beholders who thought I was beautiful. Like the old bad country song, “I was looking for love in all the wrong places.”  What I found was heartache, scars, and even more ugliness… certainly not beauty.

“I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made:” Psalm 139:14

Praise the Lord for a godly mother who never stopped instilling that verse in my memory.  Though I tuned it out for years, it never ceased to resound in my mind and in my heart, until one day I truly heard it.  My husband’s study Bible rephrases the verse (and the previous one) as this, “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.  Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous – and how well I know it.” Thank you for making me the way I am??  What a foreign concept to me!  I am part of His workmanship, and marvelous at that??

After years of searching, years of trying to live up to a standard around me, years of heartache and struggles, I finally realized… I am a thing of beauty. Not because of how I look or feel or dress.  Not because of any person in my life or their value of me.  Because of Who made me and the value He placed on me from the beginning. I am beautiful because of God’s handiwork in me and through me.  He makes no mistakes – and even though I do – I am still part of his beautiful, wonderful, marvelous creation.

Because of God’s love and design, I am beauty.

This post is part of We Are Full of Beauty with Sarah Markley.

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